


Love is a Losing Game

by noadventureshere



Series: The Observation of Trifles [2]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Between Episodes, Canon Compliant, Episode: s03e01 The Empty Hearse, Episode: s03e02 The Sign of Three, F/M, M/M, Pining, Tired John
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-04
Updated: 2016-10-04
Packaged: 2018-08-19 14:57:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8213248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noadventureshere/pseuds/noadventureshere
Summary: He'd forgotten what it meant to run after Sherlock Holmes. The burning in his thighs of muscles long neglected. The wind in his face as they tear through the city. His cheeks hurting from smiling, not good indeed. The clenching of his heart when Sherlock made that face. That pleased face, kid-at-Christmas, lighting-up-with-joy face. He had forgotten how much he loved this.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Song Inspiration [Love is a Losing Game](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4L9-AvjsB6g)

He passes through the dark city unseeing. London is always spectacular, middle of the night or mid-day, but John is tired. Mentally, physically, emotionally; everything hurts. He'd forgotten what it meant to run after Sherlock Holmes. The burning in his thighs of muscles long neglected. The wind in his face as they tear through the city. His cheeks hurting from smiling, not good indeed. The clenching of his heart when Sherlock made that face. That pleased face, kid-at-Christmas, lighting-up-with-joy face. He had forgotten how much he loved this. Loved him.

It is late. He feels guilty. And angry. Angry at himself for forgetting and angry at Sherlock for remembering.

"You should go home John," Sherlock seemed weary. The post-case let-down beginning. John still felt incandescent, the thrill of running together, watching Sherlock's mind work. He was as brilliant as ever and John so privileged to see it. His blood thrummed with energy. "Mary must be missing you." Sherlock's words brought John up short, let the cold wind of two years apart blow in; John shivered.

How could he have forgotten? He has a fiancee, a flat of his own, a job to get to. He has no place at Baker Street any longer.

He hates taking cabs alone. He hopes Mary waited up. He hopes she hasn't. He wishes more than anything to turn back the clock and have everything just continue as it had been. Why. Just why had there been no other way? How could Sherlock-always-has-an-answer-for-everything-Holmes not come up with something better than faking a suicide? Something kinder than leaving John all alone.

He can't keep thinking like this. Round and round in circles. It is over, it is done, there is no going back. But he is still tired.

He lets himself in quietly and is greeted with a soft wash of music. Treacle slow and warm, the jazz melody winds around him and he can feel some of the hurt melting away. Mary is napping on the couch, a soft blanket tucked around her. John doesn't know how he could've forgotten her. She blinks up at him and yawns. "Good case?"

He hums. Maybe not, maybe. Maybe it will be okay, living this way. A little distance from Sherlock and maybe he won't hurt so much inside any longer. He can let himself love Mary. Her hair is mashed up on one side and John smiles and smooths it down. "Dance with me?"

Mary loved him when he didn't expect it. He must have done some good in his life to deserve her, even if he feels unworthy. John wishes his heart was whole to give to her. But he will give her all he can. A slow waltz at 3am. Dinners and kisses and soft words. Sleeping side by side at night. The quiet joy of companionable living. Right now, life feels good. Mary soft and sleepy in his arms. He closes his eyes and tries to just be there with her. He tries not to think of dancing with someone taller, someone darker. John refuses to think he is settling. Better to think of this as a natural progression. The way his life would have gone had he never met the madman.

He tries not to think at all.

Mary kisses him softly and they turn off the music and lights and crawl into bed. This is his life. He has a brilliant best friend and a lovely fiancee. John isn't alone anymore.

In the morning, rested and ready for a new day, John's heart is still tired.


End file.
